dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
