so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
