He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
