I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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