you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
