So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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