Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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