dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
