Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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