Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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