last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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