wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He passed out mid-signature
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize