taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
