He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
