i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
