just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
