Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
