Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
