Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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