one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
