no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
