We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
