Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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