i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
