I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
