We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
