Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
