you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have demons in me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
