Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
