Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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