If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
