I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
