there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
