Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
