return my video game
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
