You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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