who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
