Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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