you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
