Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
