if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im six kinds of drunk right now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
