I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
