Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Then you guys just all showered together...?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
