Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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