Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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