She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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