Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
