I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
