Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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