I just saw a hot homeless man
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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