saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can I color on your dick again?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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