So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
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It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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