I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
