you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
