My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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