We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
