Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i believe in u and ur pee
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
