the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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