They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
