Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
