I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
