Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
