Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
