wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
