Apparently you make a good broom.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
