I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
