i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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