I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
cat food counts as protein by the way
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just want nice things and good sex
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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