yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
