Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize