Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
