You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
