I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
