she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sober January is a disaster.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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