So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
