If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
