Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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