a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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