just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
