i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
