All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
