Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my poor anus
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
